Multiversus has returned from its lengthy absence after the open beta, and with it, tantalizing new fighters. As an added treat, there are plenty of unlockable bonuses for new and returning players alike. Adventure Time’s Banana Guard is one of the silliest and simplest to unlock.
Related: How to unlock Agent Smith two weeks early in Multiversus
Unlocking Banana Guard is easy: log in for two days in a row during launch week, May 28th to June 4th. Claim the login bonus from Multiversus’s snarl of menus, and Banana Guard will be yours. Go for a full seven, and you’ll unlock the alternate variant with, uh, lady lumps.
Hmm. This is all the useful info I have, but not quite at the word count needed to populate SEO. So let’s make a deal: you read the rest of this article, and I’ll tell you a story about a children’s beach toy.
Instead of Banana Guard, A Lobster
On Sunday, I took a trip to the beach. A friend and her four year old grandson met me there, carrying a bright plastic bucket full of beach toys. I was tasked with carrying the bucket.
“What’s in here?” I asked the grandson as I popped off the lid. “Ohhh,” I said appreciatively. “This is the important stuff.”
My friend brought out a stylized lobster arm. It functioned like a claw, but had two gently ridged scoops for hands. I may be a thirty-three year old man, but I genuinely coveted this lobster claw from the moment I laid eyes on it.
I know design students who regularly cream their pants over Dieter Rams, but to me this is the pinnacle of industrial design: useful, whimsical, intuitive. The Little Tikes Cozy Coupe school of design.
And if you’re a child that wants to BE in beach sand without having to touch it with your hands, you can instead pretend you’re a lobster. A lobster can scoop sand with the claws, and pack it down into sandcastle toys. A lobster can wash off its claws easily.
Become the (Banana Guard) Lobster
Most adults can subconsciously do this: get just enough distance between themselves and a potentially unpleasant task. But for those of us (myself included) whose brains are a little spicy, we make our own lobster.
Taylor does not particularly enjoy loading the dishwasher, but the Lobster can do it. The Lobster keeps a budget and applies sunscreen. The Lobster handles the tedium so Taylor stays on-axis. My challenge to you—other than unlocking the Banana Guard in Multiversus, of course—is to find your own lobster. If you need it.
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