I made a promise to a friend many moons ago (pun intended) that I would make an Apex Legends booty tier list for April Fool’s Day. Butt let’s be clear on one thing: this is a very real list. I have gone from Legend to Legend, skin to skin, and done a painstaking amount of research to deliver to you the highest quality booty tier list that I could possibly offer with regards to Apex Legends. I have been an Apex Legends beat writer since Season 6, and this is the best list I have done. Priorities, people.
Sexiest, Hottest, Most Bang-able Booties in Apex Legends
Are you playing Apex Legends for the gameplay? Now, why the heck are you doing that? I, like any self-respecting trollop of a man, am playing it because everyone is hot. So, let’s talk booty.
Related: All swimsuit skins in Apex Legends
11. Bloodhound – They/Them Booty
Now, maybe their butt isn’t as shapely as some of the others, but let’s also remember that we don’t often see it. That’s where you may go astray, and think they don’t have a nice butt. But if you look closely, the size is there. We just need a tighter outfit on them to justify a higher rank.
10. Octane – Small, Butt Mighty
In contrast to our tenth place booty, sometimes it is not the size of the butt, but the shape that makes it great to look at. Octane has a cute little pinchable butt, and we respect that here.
9. Bangalore – Booty Patrol
Bangalore may cover her figure in most of her outfits, but when she slips into something skintight, her figure, and booty, start to shine.
8. Wraith and Catalyst – Big Booty Goth Girlfriends
What’s better than one big booty goth girlfriend? Two big booty goth girlfriends, of course! Deciding between these two was too difficult for me, so they tie for seventh place.
7. Mad Maggie – Mad Dump Truck
This one surprised me. I didn’t realize until I began researching for this article that Mad Maggie has mad curves. Similar to Bloodhound and Bangalore, Maggie’s booty’s covered up most of the time, but it shouldn’t be. It was the size that did it for me.
6. Seer – Let Them Stare… At This Booty
In the first draft of this, I did not find a good enough picture of Seer’s butt. That has been remedied. He’s got the size, the shape, and knows how to shake it with his dancer-like movements.
5. Lifeline – Shiny Booty Wifeline
While it isn’t as big as others and is unfortunately covered up most of the time, Lifeline’s booty is very shapely, and very cute, especially in her shiny pants.
4. Valkyrie – Gay Ass
We are entering the top 4, and from the moment that Valkyrie was added to the game, and I turned her character model around for the first time… I knew. I knew she had a booty for the herstory books. Between her and Tracer from Overwatch, the Lesbians Normally in Yellow with Nice Butts Agenda is going strong.
3. Wattson – Cutie Booty
Wattson has a wonderful booty, regardless of what outfit you have her in. But, if you put a nice butt in tight booty shorts, do you understand the power that it can hold? Do you know the S-Tier level of ass that Wattson has reached? There is a reason she takes third place.
2. Mirage – Bouncy Booty Boy
In his idle animation, his booty bounces. This sexy, sexy whore of a man has a big juicy ass and isn’t afraid to use it. Forget the Kraber, that thing attached to Mirage is the deadly weapon set to take me out, and take me out. I literally started playing Apex Legends because I thought Mirage was hot and downloaded it while I was drunk. That ass led me to my special interest and main source of income, so you better believe I’d bounce a coin off of it.
1. Loba – Big Booty Bisexual Bitch
You all knew it, butt here it is. The greatest asset of the asses. The most bootylicious of the booties. The butt that will have you saying, ‘butt why isn’t she real?’ The Woman. The Myth. The Apex Legend herself. Miss Loba Andrade, my long-time main, and the number one pick on our Apex Legends Booty Tier List.
The butt that launched a thousand ships (on Ao3). The butt that had people asking ‘Loba swimsuit when?’ There sure is a she-wolf, but she is not in the closet. She is out, proud, and letting it all hang out. Thank her for her service.
Honorable Mentions: Couldn’t get a good image of Gibraltar, but he does have a big booty, and while this list was just for the main game, I still want to give a shout-out to the butts of Fade and Rhapsody as well.