It’s April Fools’ Day, which means it’s time for another assessment. The long-awaited sequel to my April Fools’ Sexiest butts, booties, and asses in Apex Legends is finally here. Considering a few days ago I was interviewed by Rolling Stone Magazine on the same subject, it would be a crime to not celebrate Marvel Rivals booty here as well. I have gone Hero to Hero, skin to skin, and done a painstaking amount of research to deliver to you the highest quality booty tier list that I could possibly offer for Marvel Rivals.
Sexiest, Hottest, Most Banging Booties in Marvel Rivals
Are you playing Marvel Rivals for the gameplay? Stop. Don’t do that. Play it for the quality butts like the rest of us.
Honorable Ass Mentions: Scarlet Witch & Loki
While I could not get a picture of either of their asses due to their current skin options, both have an obscene waist-to-hip ratio, which leaves the words of modern poet Doja Cat ringing in my ears: “If you can see it from the front, wait ’til you see it from the back, and I hope we do.”
Related: Sexiest butts, booties, and asses in Apex Legends – Tier List
15. Jeff, Peni & Mr. Fantastic – Cutie Booties
Sometimes butts are just cute. Worthy of an “aweeeeeeee.” In this three-way tie we have booties not competing for the gold, but just too cute to leave out. Small, butt fierce, just like them.
14. Magik – Mike Step Aside
Originally, none of the Magik skins I had showed enough butt to place her. Then my S/O showed me her Frozen Demon skin and that got her back onto the list, but I still think we can do better skin-wise.
13. Adam Warlock – Heal Slut Knows No Gender
Adam is my golden boy, but he gave me something I wasn’t expecting: a nice ass under that billowing cape. We need a cape-free skin for him ASAP! Let that booty shine! Someone please get Edna Mode to make him a new outfit stat.
12. Dagger – Sorry to this Man
Cloak has no bottom half, but Cloak does have an other half. Dagger may not have a dump truck, but she does have a nice ass, though it is not quite enough for the two of them to split.
11. Iron Man – Mecha Cake and for What
Only Iron Man’s default skin has ass, but it has this whole beautifully designed mecha ass… why?! It’s GOOD robot ass. We need more of this.
10. Psylocke – Body-ody-odysuit
While Psylocke doesn’t have the greatest ass, she skyrocketed up the list due to her Vengeance skin which shows off the ass she does have. You go, girl.
9. Black Panther – Ready for the Cat Walk
This kitty’s got more than just claws—he’s got booty! It shows best in his red recolor skin, but he honestly has a nice butt all around.
8. Hela – More of a Booty Out Look
Hela’s butt is a little tricky to screenshot, but between her Season 0 battle pass skin having no underwear, to her red recolor skin highlighting her booty when the cape isn’t in the way, she well-earned this spot.
7. Luna Snow – Gives Us a Luna Show
Luna has a nice big butt, but none of her skins show it off to the level I think it deserves. That said, she sure knows how to shake what she has, and we love that!
6. Namor – Has Namor Than I Expected
This is where we really transition into the best of the best, the butt of the butt. The top 6 all have really nice booties, and we are kicking that off with Namor. I loved his character design from the front, and then when I turned him around, that love only grew. Hot damn, man.
5. Storm – Punk Isn’t Dead or Flat
Remember how all I wanted for Adam was a cape-less skin? Storm has just that, and it is everything we wanted. We may not even deserve it, but she is going to serve it. Cake on a punk rock platter, we always knew she had the batter.
3. Black Widow – Red Hourglass in White Spandex
Natasha had big panties to fill, following in the footsteps of Overwatch’s Widowmaker, and while she doesn’t quite get to that caliber, we’re still certainly looking. Her MCU skin shows off her butt the best, but it does look nice in every skin.
3. Squirrel Girl – Thicc Booties Save Lives
Ever wonder what’s under Squirrel Girl’s cute big tail? Cute big booty! The only thing keeping this from going higher is the lack of skin-tight or skimpy skins. So, it is saying something that she has reached third even with this nerf. Without it, maybe she would be too powerful… but I want to see that power.
2. Invisible Woman – Malice more like Mal-ass
This is the pinnacle of girl-ass in Marvel Rivals. Sue Storm has a nice butt in every skin, but her Malice skin is just… so good. There was no way any of the other ladies were touching this. She was almost number one, but… she doesn’t twerk.
1. Venom – The Twerking Champion
This is what peak ass looks like. It was a tooth-and-nail war between Venom and Sue, but with the twerking emote being released today, it was no contest. Venom has ass. He knows he has ass. He throws it back with hearts in his eyes like he is listening to SOFI TUKKER on repeat.
This man, this symbiote, this LEGEND has the thiccest, most caked up, most cheeky, biggest, baddest, roundest, rockingest booty in all the land. The Venom trilogy lied, that wasn’t his last dance. He’s dancing for all of us now.
If you enjoyed this Marvel Rivals article, feel free to check out Sexiest butts, booties, and asses in Apex Legends as well, as it is equally well-researched. I hope you enjoyed my very informative tier list. Thank you.
For more ass-tastic and fun articles, stay tuned for Press SPACE to Jump!
