It’s the day after I published a big review (please read it, please clap) and the thought of enduring The Game Awards live is causing me psychic damage. So instead, welcome to the first annual 2023 Taylor Awards, where I, like Geoff, give arbitrary awards almost exclusively to the shit I like. There are even a few video games in here. Hold your applause.
Related: I Went to Geoff’s Summer Games Fest Presentation and I’m Still a Hater
Jordan Mallory Spirit of Excellence Award
The first Jordan Mallory Spirit of Excellence Award goes to Escape from Lavender Island, the only (as far as I’m aware, would LOVE to be corrected) open world 3D platformer that has a mode exclusively for you to zone out and eat snacks while the game autopilots and tells you weird stories.
Does the game itself whip? Absolutely, in a scrungly, fuck capitalism kind of way that is creator Jeremy Couillard’s signature. Truly, excellence in shorter games with worse graphics with people paid more to work less. I am not kidding. Also go buy Jordo’s incredible merch.
Best Dragon Ball Tribute Font That Just Dropped
French foundry Lift Type just released Kaio Krilin, a special display weight of their friendly neo-grotesk. PLEASE visit the the site for it, which has a looping gif of what I assume is dancing Vegeta. The font itself rules; I love the Dragon Ball shaped cutouts in the capital R and A. At 60 euros, the single weight is a little on the pricey side…but perfect for a little treat. Come on. You deserve it.
Best Pope-Related Essay of the Year
Patricia Lockwood, an absolute all-timer internet writer and author of the evergreen “You KICK Miette????” met the Pope and wrote about it for London Review of Books. As always, she is raunchy, brain-meltingly funny, and incisive. Read this even if you’re not of Catholic upbringing, but ESPECIALLY if you are. Patricia simply does not miss. Read all her shit.
Best Archival Performance Footage from the 1990s
La Bouche is iconic. La Bouche is the moment. Watch singer Melanie Thornton strut out of a funhouse tunnel of lights in a pleather mini dress and heart collar despite the rain. Marvel at the camera people dive-bombing audience members and having the time of their lives. Revel in the dulcet Eurodance tones of “Be My Lover.”
Best Pleasant Game Pass Surprise
Last but not least, I’ve been playing through blacksmith life sim While the Iron’s Hot on Xbox Game Pass this morning. It does not try to do everything, instead reveling in the routine of blacksmithing and energy management. If you’re an Atelier fan (yes Travis, I am laser targeting you), this is a fun, breezy addition to the library. The pixel art is lively, pleasingly detailed, and the fonts actually whip.
That concludes the first annual Taylor Awards-
An audience member is getting up on stage. It’s… Bowser???
You want to ask me out? In front of everyone? Normally I frown upon public proposals but this adds a fun little voyeuristic thrill.
We’re both married, so… wait, I am getting thumbs up from my husband and Luigi in the front row. Yes. Yes, I will absolutely go on a date at Rosa’s Cafe and Tortilla Factory with you, Bowser.
Ahem. Anyway! Capitalism is a curse! Good night!
